Painting Sandcastles

I built a sandcastle today. In My Mind. Have you ever done that? Done things in your mind. Pretending them to be real? It’s a rather lazy way to live, actually. It takes the Doing out of Living and replaces it with Imagination and Shadows that have no real Movement - and no real Pain. But.....If Imagination is the next best thing to Living, then it can’t be all that bad. Some say Imagination is actually Magical. I would agree. Wholeheartedly. Especially when it comes to building sandcastles.

In
Your
Mind

I was lying on the beach. Wind vigorously blowing my hair. Somehow drowning out all sound. Ocean teasing me as the tide came closer and closer. I looked down. Tunneling out all around me as if my eyes were a camera lens zooming in on my fingertips. They began playing with the sand, as if they were not my own.

Rubbing the granules together back and forth in between my fingertips, I drift. My mind takes my back to Santorini, Greece. My Magical Place that I often go to in my mind. There was a beach there. The Red Beach, they called it. Red Sand. Red. You have to climb up and down and across lots of volcanic rock to get to this cove, and then you climb down to actually get to the beach itself. Red. Beach. Surrounded by Volcanic Rock. Dirty. Rugged. Beautiful. Red. Sand.

My Imagination takes me away......there. "THIS cross, beautiful girl! This one is the one for you!" I smile at him, and I agree. That one IS the one for me. "Can I have my picture taken with you? With your cross?" I agree of course.... I was on day seven of backpacking the Greek Islands by myself. 2006. Me and God. A great pair we were back then, I must say. I looked down at the beach and I thought,

"What would it look like to build a sandcastle of Red Sand? A Red Sandcastle"

What would it look like? Purely and Simply - Incredible. 

The Sandcastles of all Sandcastles.

You know, I had this sort of vision once of  Painting Sandcastles. Not just with paint - but with Gold. Liquid Gold. So many people diligently detailing the sandcastles with their tiny paintbrushes, giving attention to every crevese, delicately placing all jewels in perfect castle edges, blowing away the unneeded sand from the proper places. Proud Looks. Accomplished chests protruding from striving souls. And then she blew. And then it came. And then the teasing was not teasing any longer. In one clean sweep. One turbulous tide. It was......

Gone.

And they were left standing with this befuddled look of "what just happened" on their face. Tiny paintbrushes in hand. Standing on a beautiful Red Beach with a backdrop of towering carved volcanic rock. What was that? It was this:

When Life Meets Forever. That's "What Just Happened". When Life gives way to Forever then all things Living, simply, well.....End. Scary? I would say. When all things things finite meet all things infinite then All Things Forever overshadows All Things Not-Forever. And, well, all the energy we spend into painting Golden, Red, Magical Sandcastles all of a sudden seems.....Meaningless? Under the Sun?

Even if the purest of Time is spent nurturing the most precious of Lives - but does not bleed Love. What does it mean? If we spend our lifetime chasing grand and golden dreams that remove all of the worries of life - but then Life......Ends......... we are faced with the lifelong question from the Beginning of Beginnings: 

What Is The Purpose Of Life?

If our purpose of life does not involve something that continues beyond the Living - then can we really call it Purposeful? If the only thing in life that lasts is that which we cannot see, taste, or touch and we put all our energy into mending all things broken on earth - then will it not soon be. washed. away? You See - that Ocean is a killer. It is not Timeless. It is not Forever - and neither are most Sandcastles.... regardless of their Beauty.

But there are things that are - Forever. What things? Those things that alter the spirit. Those things that mend the heart. Those things that heal the soul. Those things. All things. Forever. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faith. Hope.....oh, have I said Love? Those things that reach beyond Life and into Forever. Eternal Forever - and the one who created it. 

All Things Forever: Mending Broken Heartaches, Freeing Bonded Spirits, Feeding Hungry Minds, Warming Frozen Hearts. We spend so much time and energy and money in Curing Diseases, Building Bank Accounts, Washing Dishes - but tend to forget that Forever is Forever -and what happens when Today ends and Forever Begins? And 

What would it look like if we put as much energy into those things we could not see as those things we become blinded by?

Ever thought about that? When you feed a child, that which fills their stomach will disappear. Hunger returns. It always does. But if you teach a child how to Hope. Wow. Teach a child how to Hope? It will be their greatest companion on a hungry night. You can give a thirsty man water - but if you teach him about Joy. Man, that's where it's at. Joy can Quench a Tired Spirit long after the water runs out. Straight A's without a Strong Spirit means little when death happens or she is date raped or his masculinity is cut to the core in the locker room. Following through on a beautifully planned ornate wedding day is small in comparison to knowing what it means to stay and fight for a marriage when infatuation gives way to reality. Teach her how to tie her shoe -yes, indeed. But teach her how to Run Life's race with a Tenacity and Strength, and she will be able to run barefoot on Field Day and beat all the boys (ok, ok - maybe one beat me : )

Show them the grandest ways to climb the ladder in the finest of suits - but fail to teach them about the vitality of a relationship with a Savior or the overflowing fulfillment felt when the Created knows the Creator, and you will short change them for Eternity. I wonder....what would happen if we used the gifts and talents that lie within each of us for a better forever? To alter the reflection of a soul by showing them a reflection of a Savior to, possibly, alter a reflection of what Forever will look like - Forever. Can you Imagine?

We Paint Our Sandcastles. Not just paint them. We gold plate them. Spend hours traveling to the Greek Islands to find the Grandest sand in the most Glorious places and build the most Elaborate sandcastles in order to paint them with the Finest of gold and the Rarest of jewels and then -

The Tide Comes. The Teasing Ocean Beckons. And then - Sand gives way to Water. Today becomes Forever -and all things that matter will all of a sudden, well, matter. Greatly. Gloriously. In the Grandest Fashion.

I say all of that to raise this question: Five Words:

Where Does Your Treasure Lie?

You know why sand is sand? You know what it is really? It is a mixture of Rock and Minerals. Mainly - Quartz. The mineral least likely to be tethered by life's elements.

Least likely to be Tethered by Life's elements.

Seems significant. The mighty strong towers of Africa taught me more than these fingers could ever reveal in words. I remember when we were at our last IDP camp in Congo. The darkest one. The children surrounding us. Nudging in Desire. Desperate in Want. Hungry. Thirsty. Wanting just to Go Home. Crying to GO HOME - literally. Last camp, I will never forget. Most of the children in this camp didn't speak English - but they did know how to beg. I don't fault them at all. If I were born into that camp? I would have been the chief begger. The over-achiever begger. The begger among beggers. But this little boy......this one I will never forget.

All else were wanting money. All else were wanting food. All else were wanting. Something. Some THING. This boy was searching for morsels of a different kind. He came to me as if he was seeking me out. Touched my arm -softly. Looked at me - gently. Broken english he said this:

"Bible - A bible. Have a bible. Please?"

My eyes drew into his. As if a camera lens zooming in on one thing: His eyes. As if they were not his own.

"In this world of darkness you live in - you are not asking me for food, or drink, or even to go home. You want a bible?" And I had nothing to give him. Save a prayer and a smile and a hug. And a longing to see him in the Forever. One day.

Words I have read all of my life suddenly took on a different meaning. Words of a Savior: "See? ... if you have my living water, you'll never be thirsty again..."

I built a sandcastle today. A Magical Sandcastle. But it was not made of sand......is was made of three things.

All
Things
Forever

And I am painting it gold : )

The Silent Space

There is something about Silence. Something peaceful. Something mystical. Something uncomfortable. Something fearful. Something beautiful.

It is Spacious. Full. Empty. Barren. Wonderful. Frightful. Real. A Gaping Hole giving us the priceless opportunity to fill it with Complete Fear or Complete Courage. It can be on the other end of the phone after a question. It can be an empty house that reminds us of our alone-ness. It can be the peaceful wonderful quiet after the storm. Maybe the end of Chaos. Maybe the beginning of a New Day. Those few seconds in the morning after turning off our alarm. Those few minutes at night before drifting off to sleep.

Silence. It is not just the absence of sound. It is the filling of space. It is the question of what you fill it with. It is what you hear when you hear nothing at all. What is it? That you hear?

I went running tonight on the beach. Barefoot. One of my favorite things to do in the world. Sunset......Passing Passer-Byes. Some were alone in their Silence. Walking possibly to "clear their heads." Some were hand in hand with their lover. Maybe mumbling. Maybe laughing. Maybe not. All were....Walking. None were......Still. None. I ran and ran and ran. Soaking in the Silence of the Waves. Watching the Life of the Sun surrender to the Calm of the Moon. As it became darker - as it became calmer - as it became silent.

I wonder - is life not so different? We walk and we journey and we run and we search for those things to fill our Space - our Silence. Why? Because often sitting with it - in it - surrounded by it....is too much to bear. It is the place we come to where we are alone with our thoughts, the sounds of reality - to be or not to be. Our thoughts can be our best friends or our worst enemies.....all dependent upon the Source. I have found that it is one of the most Beautiful places to find and to sit and to refuse - to - move - from: STILLNESS. The time of deepest change. The place of greatest revelation.

Silence. That place we all come to late at night - when the house is empty - when the Space is Great and the Quiet is ferociously Loud and

We
Hear
It

Nothing......... Haivng the choice to either fill the space with one of two things. Really. Cutting it all down.

Him or Us.

It is the place we all come to at some point in our lives when we look deep within the mirror and ask ourselves:

Who Are You? Do You Like What You See? Where Are You Going?

Maybe faced with a decision. Maybe many. And we peer deep into our own eyes into life's mirror. Making a choice - do we look away? Do we grab the Paint of Pretending lying beside of us on the counter to hide. to cover. again? Or do we stand there in our rawness and in our realness and be brave. Be Brave. It takes that. Courage.

Courage to face the reality of ourselves in the mirror. Courage to pick up the phone and make that call. Courage to ask forgiveness to forgive to change to reach out. Asking ourselves those questions....Fearing the answers. Looking deep within, often wanting to look away. We do one of two things:

Fill the Space with our Selves or His Spirit.

Sounds a bit strange to cut it down so shallowly. But there is nothing Shallow about it. We can run or we can hide or we can stand. Running entails escaping. Moving. Walking. Running......much like a jog on the beach. Movement is the greatest escape from Reality. Hiding involves Cowering. Eden's Hedge. Leaves can Cover but they cannot hide. Don't look AT me as you might see THROUGH me. And then there is the choice to Stand. Standing. Sitting. Being. STILL.

Refusing to move, refusing to run, refusing to hide. Committing to Stay.....In.....The....Space. In.......The......Silence....and:

LISTEN.

I have found that it is in that Space that Magical things can happen. It is in that Space that the Wisdom of God shouts the loudest. It is in that space that Courage is nurtured and Change is discovered. It is when we look in the mirror, past our eyes, In. To. His. that answers are found. They may not be pretty or proper or neat or tidy. They will likely be messy and sticky and hard. But The Will Be Real.

Look Deeply. What do you see? Hope. Newness. Discovery.

Touch Softly. What do you feel? Relief. Breath. Calm.

Listen Loudly. What do you hear? Love. Faith................. Crashing Waves.

I am back now. Sand covering my feet. Sweat covering my clothes. Salt covering by skin. Stillness covering my soul.

Silence Covering My Spirit - and He is there. My God. My Faith. My Hope. My Love. Respectfully accepting my invitation to peer back at me in my own mirror. Welcoming my questions. Sitting with me in my Space. That Space that so quickly changes from a place of Fear to place of Anticipation and Discovery......all because of one thing.

The One I invite to Sit With Me.

He......

".... leadeth me, O blessed thought.
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me."

Drifting to sleep to the sound of Your Silence and to the Waves of your mighty ocean......

I am -

Yours, b

The Look.

There are many looks in an airport. Many. The look you get when you sit down on the weight machine at the counter and hold your legs up just to see how accurate it is. The look you get when you break the hook of your sandals and have to carry them in your hand through the airport as you walk barefoot. The look you get when you are sitting outside by the curb on your luggage with your mac in your lap at "Vehicle Shuttle Number A-44" because you just can't wait until you get to the hotel to write down what's in your heart. Yeah - like now.

But THIS look. This look is the Ultimate. You know the one I'm talking about. You get off of the plane, walk past the restaurants, down the escalator, and through the doors of security....and there they stand. The Waiting. The ones who are holding Love in their hands: Flowers, Signs, Presents. They look past you. They look longingly. They look deeply. Even desperately at times. I saw it tonight. The Look.

My sandal strap broke coming off of the plane. No worries. I prefer barefoot over shoes anyday. Reach down. Pick them up and walk, unaware, to the shuttle. Barefoot. Out the doors. Down the Hallway. And I hear.

“There he is. Look, honey, it’s uncle Ray!” I see him on the other side of the wall. Trying to play hide and seek through the clear glass between them. Laughter. Sweet Laughter. His look? One of adoration. The look of "how fast can you get over here so I can give you a hug I've been storing up for weeks now - maybe months." Of course, I think of my own nieces and nephew. I smile. Look down. Look up. And....

Then I pass her. She is oblivious to all else around her except his eyes. She is searching and searching and desperately searching to see, to find, to meet his eyes. She has a look. As if in a maze, her eyes are darting to find the one pair that is the perfect pair. His. And she does. Her smile at that moment? I wouldn’t even attempt to do it justice with letters or words. I look at her. I look down, and I smile. If there is one thing I enjoy soaking in - it is the other side of love. There is a beauty of singleness. There is a bitterness. There is a sweetness. A sweetness of witnessing it as an invisible shadow on the outside looking in. Kinda like watching a movie. But its not – a movie.

And I walk on. Turning the corner. I see him. He is there neslted in a corner waiting as if a bird upon a branch perching in search of…..in search of….Her. He is cradling a cheap vase of flowers that he's obviously and proudly put together himself. Two peach roses. A little greenery. A bit of baby’s breath. And it is perfect. He is nervous. Looking down. Looking up. Looking around. Looking. In. Search. Of. Her. The Look.

And then there is me. On my way to spend a few days with the Lord. Just me and Him and the Sun and the Stars and the Look. I LOOK...... Actually at the moment, I SIT - outside by the curb on my luggage with my mac in my lap at "Vehicle Shuttle Number A-44" because I just can't wait until I get to the hotel to write down what's in my heart. 

And that is?

A Look. THE Look. The Look of searching, crying, almost frantically grasping for His Eyes. In Search of Self. In Search of Him. I speak often of the things that come out of my mouth in session. Much of the time I am writing them down after they escape my lips. Why? They are not of me or from me. But they are About me - and you - and them.  A few days ago it was this:

"The birthright of kinship that we were given when we were simply created by the King of the Universe and the Savior of the World gives us more worth than a lifetime of striving to prove ourselves could ever touch"

So I am - here. Now in the side room of the lobby of Quality Inn and my mind retreats back to her look. Her frantic, eye-darting, where-are-you-oh-my-love look. And I wonder.......Do I search for Him with such frenzy? Should we? 

Wether it is for Him or for Something - we are all searching. These next few days....It is His Eyes. I had a friend tell me something amazing once. Life Changing for me. I asked him how he got through such difficult times? How did he keep such sanity and groundedness in the middle of a world-rocking experience. He said this:

"I Never Look Away From His Eyes."

He went on to explain that during the heartache, pain, chaos, angst, depression, Great Sadness, and despair, he would close his eyes and picture himself looking into the eyes of the Lord - refusing to look away. Distractions were not an option. Sidetracking not available. He and His Maker - His Strength - His Power. He would not look away. 

So I sit practically in the dark. My room around the corner. In preparation for about 36 hours of phone-less, prayer-full, Word-filled, Spirit-led time with me and my God - and I pray that the Look in my eye in Search of the deep places of my Soul are as hungry for His Love as were those looks that I passed tonight. 

Love. Adoration. Anticipation. Longing. 

All of these things I pray for Father. All of these things I wish to find. In your eyes - alone. Looking at you. Looking at me. Looking ahead to what is to come. Looking. Seeing. Hoping. 

As if I have entered your Holy of Holies. Humbly, I come. Humbly, I bow. Humbly, I search......for......your....eyes. Flowers in Hand, Peering behind a Glass Wall, Eye-darting desperateness - 

I am,

Yours, b