I have never done this before......

"I have never done this before...."

I said. It was kind of a fearful feeling mixed with anticipation and a dash of childlike wonderment. Right after those words came out of my mouth I thought. "Nice, Beth. Seriously - that didn't sound too good"

"Remember That You Are Ashes........And To Ashes you Shall Return" He said. Forming the sign of a cross on my forehead. I just stayed there for a while. Silent. Praying. Kneeling. Breathing. 

I never understood Lent or Ash Wednesday or any of those other ceremonies outside of my Church of Christ comfort zone. In a strange way I was not only afraid of experimenting with it, I simply didn't give it much thought. Somehow I thought maybe I should look into it deeper. I was out of town and looking for a place to worship. Saw a beautiful church with a beautiful light on - so I went inside.

This question has been on my mind:

 What would happen if we gave up NO-THING instead of giving up some-THING for Lent? What would happen if we committed to 40 days of releasing unforgiveness or envy or worry or bitterness or fear?

Because of how God made me (aka "stubborn as a mule" as my grandaddy would say), I need to understand something before I do it. or believe it. or believe in it. Lent is no different. What did I find when I looked deeper? Humility. What did I read? This:

"He was led by the Spirit to go into the wilderness. Where the Devil tempted him for 40 days" Luke 4: 1 - 2. It has been set aside as a time of Self-Examination. Prayer/Fasting. Repentance. Humility. Self-Denial. Regardless of your background - how can that be a bad thing?

Sitting in the pew with ashes on my forehead, reading about Jesus' temptation and his humility - I asked myself. What is it? What does it all mean? People seem to give up everything from sugar to sitcoms to sex. But what does that really have to do with looking more like the Humility of Christ? I mean it causes us to be less of Self - I get that. And 100% Totally Agree. But Suddenly dots started to connect in my head. 

Thoughts started flowing like a waterfall.

~

~

~

"Why don't we give up the hard things for 40 days? The deep things. The things that are less like our Lord? Envy. Malice. Bitterness. Resentment. Hatred. Discontentment. Unforgiveness. Worry. Why? Because it's hard. Giving up french fries is SO much easier than giving up Fear. Fear of inadequacy or loosing everything or looking stupid or living in loneliness forever. We know how to give up McDonalds. You just stop driving through. But we don't KNOW how to give up Fear and finding out would take a lot of work. 40 days worth of work. A LOT of ON OUR KNEES, SOUL SEARCHING, WHO AM I REALLY, ASKING TOUGH QUESTIONS, SEARCHING FOR TOUGH ANSWERS work. Yeah, French Fries is much more fun. And hip. Somehow.

BUT Does it bring us to Humility? And maybe it's not about giving something up. 

Maybe we have to do something different to get something better. Maybe to give up Daily Discontentment we have to really DO something DIFFERENT. Maybe to find Forgiveness for the first time, we have to take the first step of WANTING to show Mercy. Of WANTING to forgive. Not because what they did was ok - but because WE will never be ok unless we do"

Because doesn't it all come down to Humility? A God? A Man? 40 days in the wilderness? Without Food? Why? 

As I look at myself in the mirror with these ashes on my forehead. I see. The answer. The unworthy - humble answer of answers. Yes, Lord. 40 days to look more like you? How could I resist? What can I LEARN to rid myself of to reflect more of you?

Let's start with Fear. Fear? Silly girl. Didn't you just get back from "The" Congo? One of the most  dangerous places to go? To work with former child soldiers? At the foot of a volcano? Leaving the day after there was an attempt to kill the President - again? Yeah. That was easy. Kind like giving up French Fries. What's harder? Giving up the need to micromanage my life in order to make sure everything falls into place to prove myself worthy of the amount of Grace I have been given because of my Sinful Mistakes. You see.....

I 

am 

ashes. 

As are you. As are we all. Severely inadequate. Humbly so. So inadequate that we need God to sacrifice himself so we can taste fullness and wholeness and heaven. Sometimes embracing the fact that we are inadequate - that we are ashes - makes it easier to stop the "self-promotion, ladder climbing, is she skinnier than me, are my kids smarter, will I ever be enough?" game. Because we won't....... ever be enough. 

Good thing He is. Praises for that. And for his creative abilities to make: 

Beauty. 

From. Ashes : )

I drink my coffee like I drink my life.......

I drink my coffee like I drink my life. With Purpose and Passion and Much too fast. With gulps instead of sips and carelessness instead of caution.

I have never been a fan of anything I have had to acquire a taste for - when it comes to food or drink anyway. People - now that's a different story. Acquiring a taste for people when my first impression is bitter or distasteful is almost a challenge. What is behind their jaded eyes? What lies behind their harsh words? Who is really behind the curtain of their heart? I wonder.

But back to life - I am learning. Important things. Like to enjoy the small sips rather than trying to gulp with the goal of gaining the caffeine jolt sooner rather than later. I had that realization just yesterday. Why?

Simply because it was cold and the coffee was warm and wonderful, and I got this strange new desire to make it last as long as I could. To actually enjoy it rather than gulping it down with the purpose of "waking up"..... I liked it, actually! And then I laughed at learning from my cup of coffee. God teaches me in the strangest ways. If I let Him. He is teaching me: To Sip, To Listen, To Notice. To stop my world - if only for a few seconds - to listen closer, hug tighter, look deeply, and to drink slowly and at the moment?

At this moment that means pretending that I am riding one of the snowflakes outside of this window as she floats her way down from the clouds to the ground with the speed of Imagination. Being scooped up by a playful lover and blown into the face of a First Crush as she laughs behind her wool scarf and underneath her knitted snow cap.

Play - may we never underestimate it. Play or Sipping. Sipping, yeah. I think I may start doing that. With my coffee. With my Life. 

Love: It's More Than A Kiss

As I write this, there is snow falling outside my window, two candles lighting my condo to my right, and the simple sound of a clock ticking overhead. I am in Love. IN Love - In the middle of it, surrounded by it, immersed in it actually. So are you.....but it's kinda like magic. We only see it when we open our hearts. 

I want to invite you to be a part of something this week. I want you to do something with me. You may not look at Valentines Day the same again. Keep Reading.

"Mommy, you know

 what my favorite part of Valentine's Day is? It's giving balloons to the ladies at the nursing home..." Sweet Emma. My four year old niece. Tania takes her each year to give red balloons to the ladies at a nursing home close by. Started me thinking......

I stopped celebrating Valentines Day as most know it about five years ago. A very long term relationship had just ended and I had to make a decision. I could feel sorry for myself, OR I could do the opposite. Embrace it with all of it's sappy overflowing candied hearts and red roses. So I did.

I decided to re-think this Day of LOVE. I thought about those that I loved the most and I bought them cards. I sat down and wrote to each of them - telling them why I loved them. I decided to stop celebrating Valentine's Day as simply Romantic. 

Love is just too big for that.

New Love. Old Love. Sweet Love. Deep Love. Love of a dream. Love of a place. Love of a movie. Love of a child. Love of a song. Love of the ocean. Love of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake truffle from Cheesecake Factory. So many types. Just one word. 

Four letters. One Color. RED. 

Love is Beautiful in Many Ways.....

Open your 

Heart 

for just a second.

 

 Romance is so much bigger than a romantic relationship. Romance is making things lovely because of Love. It is seeing the signature of God on his creation. Watching the snowflakes weave their way across the sky to that perfectly selected blade of grass they call home. It's the precious uniqueness of each child's laugh - none being the same. It's the artwork of a Congolese war torn child as she draws her life dreams. It's a true friend's long embrace. A hot happy meal to a homeless man. A hug of gratitude from an earthquake victim. 

 It is a smile when you are by yourself in the car and that song comes on.  A unspoken bond between two friends. It's overdue forgiveness. It's the sound of distant train whistle. It's knowing something about someone that you only know because their fingerprint is on your heart. It's your cat licking your face to wake you up in the morning. Your dog meeting you at the door. It's the sounds of rain dancing on a tin roof or sleet as it hits your window. 

It's a smirk because you both are thinking the same thing without saying a word. The innocence of a three year old. That look of adoration when you pray with them and the sound of their feet running to you when you walk in the door....that is Romance. 

SO HERE IS THE QUESTION..... HERE IS THE CHALLENGE:

Where do you see Romance? Where do you see Love?

Post it. Send it. Status it. Twitter it. Share it throughout the week.....Why?

Because:

#itsmorethanakiss

I'll go first. First Post.First tweet......

"Where did I see Love Today? In a daughter holding the hand of her elderly mother as they crossed the street #itsmorethanakiss"